artifact 010: faster disaster

After a few months of doing this, it’s been revealed (by their own admission!) that certain segments of the Black Rain Twitter voting populace base their selections entirely on the cover art.

stunned-jinder-fans-backlash-6

I know.

I guess that’s to be expected, especially when we’re exploring the third tier. Most well-adjusted-ish humans left these junk-ass albums in the cutout bin sixteen years ago, and it’s a little ridiculous to presume that someone would fire up Spotify to see if Carcariass was just an egregious typo before casting their ballot. So here we are…
poll 9

…travelling back to 2002 with Soilwork vocalist Bjorn “Speed” Strid’s side project, Terror 2000, and their sophomore release, Faster Disaster.

By this time, Soilwork had begun the process of slowing things down considerably. Their first two outings, Steelbath Suicide and The Chainheart Machine, were high-octane melodeath cornerstones. But with A Predator’s Portrait and Natural Born Chaos (the band cranked out four LPs from 1998 to 2002), Strid introduced the dreaded CLEAN VOCALS and Soiwork transitioned into more deliberate tempos to accompany them.

Thus, “Speed” had to look elsewhere for more…speed. Enter Terror 2000.

Referring the band as a “supergroup” would be generous: it featured members of Darkane, Face Down (“best known” as Marco Aro’s other band), and Construcdead, as well as a guy called “Nick Sword.”

But this wasn’t meant to be some towering statement of metallic achievement, it was an outlet where they could drop the artistic pretense of their main bands and just THRASH, in that supertight, hyperpolished Swedish way. They wanted to go fast.

Who wants to go fast?

10Jbv7

Fine.

Melodeathness: 3

Okay, so as we established earlier, Terror 2000 was a thrash band made up of melodeath dudes, and unfortunately, when melodeath dudes tried to do things that weren’t melodeath, the results are generally not good. Faster Disaster was not the exception.

The opening riff shows promise, but once the “Back With Attack” reaches the chorus of “we’re back! with the Terror 2000 attack!“, it’s pretty clear that despite their professed love of speed, this is gonna be a long-ass ride.

The second song,”Formula Flame Feast,” is about Formula One racing.

The third song, “Headrush,” is about headbanging.

And then the rest of the songs are just…piles of metal cliches set to stale Scandithrash riffing.

Now, these themes are intentionally bad–because Terror 2000 is a joke-ass side project–but not they’re not quite bad enough to be good, you know?

This is all in pretty stark contrast to the band’s following (and final) album, Terror For Sale, in which the band focused less on the thrash framework and more on producing legitimately amusing tracks like “King Kong Song” and “Liquor Saved Me From Sports.” On Faster Disaster, though, the jokes aren’t obvious enough and the riffs can’t elevate the flat humor.

ANYWAY, this isn’t a melodeath record, per se, but similar to Darkane (see a pattern here?), if you tried to call this thing “thrash” in 2002, some knuckledragging, walking bulletbelt in a Destroyer 666 t-shirt would’ve tried to piss in your shoes.

So it defaults to melodeath I guess.

Deathstyle: 6.5

1281_photo

Dammit, there’s that shitty leather jacket again. That’s three posts in a row now.

The only people that wore those things were guys that were still rocking JNCO khakis and those sweaters with the one stripe across the chest WAY past their expiration date. Dude looks like he’d sell you coke (but it’s actually meth) and then smoke you up with shwag in the back of a Ford Taurus.

As for Speed’s cohorts, they’ve got the melo-look down:

tt2000

Levi’s 567s. Pendant necklace. Wallet chains. Plain black t-shirts. Sunglasses indoors.

Standard-fucking-issue. Points for consistency here, but holy fuck these dudes are boring. No wonder no one gives a shit about this genre anymore.

Artistic Badness: 10

LOOK AT THIS SHIT

terror2000

Sweet christ that is glorious.

Thanks to da share zone, this is might be the only thing we’ve covered so far that has gotten better with age.

THIS IS WHY WE’RE HERE. I hope you’re happy.

Vitality: 1

Look, this album fuckin honks, but 2005’s Terror For Sale was less of a disaster, and served as a sanctuary for Speed Strid fans that (rightfully) hated Soilwork’s asstastic Stabbing the Drama, which was released the same year.

Give it a go if you’re feeling adventurous, but leave Faster Disaster in the dust.

 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: